The moment when I've realised and accepted that all in life is an illusion ... i've tried to stop myself ... chasing for anything.
Even ... stop dreaming.
I ... somehow .. stopped the time.
... not carrying anymore of anything.
But ... somehow ... in time ... i've saw that the impact of my philosophy was ... huge ... on the life of the people around myself.
I was ... in relationships ... without any real purpose.
I was .... just a friend.
Or ... a lover without any future plans.
Into one point ... i even started to feel ashamed of myself ... cause i knew that i was ruining their ... right for a better future.
Their ... right to dream.
But ... i was not dreaming anymore.
I knew ... and deeply felt ... all was an illusion.
And ... i could not synchronise anymore with anyone.
No matter who that person was.
Life continued ... and i've even started to feel ... guilty.
I was balancing between seeing it is stupid that I laugh of their dreams about the future ... but also knowing for sure that the future itself is just ... an illusion.
I've tried to explain myself.
To tell them ... my new philosophy of life.
And ... actually ... same as they have the right to dream of something all the time ... i have the fundamental right to simply not want anything in life.
But ... all was actually related to the fact that we couldn't synchronise anymore.
We had ... different perceptions about life ... in general.
They wanted ... something all the time.
I didn't wanted ... anything.
... deeply feeling all is an illusion.
So ... little by little... i've just disconnected from them.
I didn't wanted anymore to feel guilty ... that i am ruining their lives.
... their illusory future.
But i also knew... i have the right to take care of myself also.
Yes ...
It was my right ....
I've smiled.
And ... I've started to be detached.
... much more detached.
Somehow i was accepting that even if we were sharing the same reality ... we really didn't had a future together.
... that illusory future which i didn't care about anymore.
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philosophical essays” written by the romanian writer Adrian Gabriel Dumitru for FREE.
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